Remember, bad thoughts are also self-esteem affirmations that leads you into misery.
I could never do that!
That’s just not me!
I’m not that type of person, maybe you can do that, but I’m not built that way!
I’m not made for that sort of thing!
That would never work for me!
If you say so, then so shall it be!
Bad Thoughts Cut Me off from Solution
What’s going on guys, I am a low self-esteem survivor.
I would put myself in a box, pigeon-holed myself, and kept myself away from it apart from so many powerful things that, led to so much happiness fulfillment and progress in my life, in so many facets, it’s absurd.
I would say things all the time when people would propose things, or suggest things, or demonstrate something that I wanted, but didn’t know how to get, they would tell me how they got it, whether it be financially, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, the addiction, could be mental health struggles, because I have a huge history of depression and anxiety they would say things that work for them and then I would say things like, “Oh I’m glad that worked for you but that could never work for me because…blah, blah, blah”.
Dangerous language, language that instantaneously cut me off from solution.
An interesting thing about having language like that, or thinking that way, is that, oftentimes, it’s people that are struggling, like I was.
They asked for help, they get some possible solutions, and then they cut them off immediately, because that’s just not where they are.
They made decisions, like I used to make, like: “Nope, that won’t work for me”, based on often fear, false evidence appearing real, and that one really rings true to me, fear.
Wanting to do something different, not falling into the action to make that difference, not knowing why, so just deciding that’s who you are.
What We Think Matters
The placebo effect is crazy powerful.
What we decide about ourselves, matters.
Whether or not, we are right or wrong.
If we have conviction, about a certain aspect about of us, it will be true, even if it’s completely false, and even if that conviction is going to 100% keep you, and distance you from something powerful, and magical, if you’re willing to use that sort of language.
For me, it is required tremendous suffering, to get me willing, to do something other than what I prescribed to be right.
Like, my damaged brain cannot fix my broken mind.
By the way, yours can either.
And it’s not to say, we don’t have good intuition, but most people don’t seek out the things they’re good at, most people don’t have internal struggle and turmoil over aspects of life, living, health, wellness or whatever that they already have figured out per se, or at least have an idea about, most people reach out for help when they are struggling.
Success Comes in Bits and Pieces
So, it’s astounding to me that, I for so long have been I’ve struggled with so many different things: alcoholism, financial, security, being organized, depression issues, and only taking bits and pieces of advice, bits and pieces that fit the way I am, because I made decisions about myself.
It’s, took tremendous suffering for me to start being like, Okay, you know what, maybe I’m wrong, maybe I could be the type of person, for example, who wakes up in the morning and makes his bed.
-You say that helps?
Maybe I’ll do it.
Or for weight loss goals, maybe I can be someone, who could track his food.
You Are the Only Person That Decides What Works for You
Like, I can’t tell you guys how many times, people have come to me asking for, for some suggestion
And that’s a beautiful thing, we all need to help each other in areas that we excel, or have some success in, and just be kind respectful humble and offer a little bit of guidance when we can.
Recently, I had someone come to me who was struggling with their weight.
I have had a very good growth, in the department of health, wellness, diet, nutrition balance, or whatever.
Fancy way of saying, I look good naked, a lot of people that know me noticed, and they wanted to ask me what I’m doing?
I feel really good in heart and mind by the way.
So, I had this guy come to me, and express, he struggle with his ways, his self-esteem, or whatever.
I say, you know, I’m glad you came to me, maybe I can offer you some solution, or something might work for you.
And he said: “What have you been doing proofs in the pudding, you’re looking pretty good, you seem really vibrant and healthy, what are you doing?”
And so, I told them, I was like: “Оh well, there’s a handful of things that have worked really well for me”
Being that all this can be very complexes, but the core principles are simple.
I was like – “Something that’s worked well for me is intermittent fasting”, an eating protocol, where I shorten my eating window to eight hours, and I fast for 16 hours, …blah blah blah, start explaining some of the benefits of that.
And the first thing he said, the first thing he said back to me, before I even had a chance, to kind of just dive into some of the ways that’s benefited me and how it’s worked with my lifestyle, he said: “Oh, oh, wai wai, wait, yeah, that would never work for me”, if I don’t eat every couple hours I feel really bad.”
I was like:“Oh, It’s too bad to hear, have you already experienced some fasting, and given the whole lifestyle and the whole structure a try?”
He goes: “No, but I just know that about myself”.
And I’m hmm, okay, there you go.
He’s already decided, that won’t work for him.
He might be right, but he might be wrong, I would lobby that he’s wrong.
But he made that decision, and so a powerful tool has been removed from him, and that’s just an example.
I’ve had other people, asked me what I’m doing, and something works really well for me, something that’s now become a habit for me, is to track my food, track my food, so I can better understand, what I’m taking in, how it’s impacting me on a number of ways.
In a number of ways: my sleep, my energy, my weight, my performance, whatever, all the stuff.
I just find it very fascinating, it works for my personality, not for everyone granted, but very powerful tool for me, became part of my lifestyle.
And so, I had someone who’s really struggling right, they’re really struggling, and the moment I brought that up, they say “I could never do that, oh, it’s just too stressful, I just don’t have the time”.
They start making excuses.
But the point is, they already decided that they wouldn’t do that, that’s not something they would do because that’s not who they are.
Powerful tool gone in thin air.
They’re not even willing to consider, that that could work for them, or change their lives dramatically.
I’ve Been Beaten by Life into Submission
And see, this has happened to me in millions of million times.
So, it’s not like me telling you: “Oh, like I got it figured out and I’m just so humble and willing”.
I’ve been beaten by life into submission, to be like: “I’ll know what’s best for me, I’ll do whatever you suggest and figure out very earnestly if it works for me, or doesn’t work for me, based on a true attempt, not off this perceived personality trait in me, that keeps me from being willing to try something new with all my heart, to get what I’ve never gotten, based on – my own ways not working” – you understand?
So, a way that I applied, like mental health, was like: “Oh Man, this counselor who was working with me for so long…”.
Vision Statements Works
He wanted me to do a vision statement, a vision statement depicting what my life would look like.
If I looked and felt well, written in like the now.
So I would write it for example like: “I wake up with energy, I greet the day with enthusiasm because I’m well-rested, I have hope in my heart”, stuff like that, paragraph or two.
I was like, deeply deeply depressed, completely out of options, horribly suicidal, I mean, I couldn’t have been more a mess.
Comforting myself with fast food, every single night.
Oh, I can’t possibly paint a picture of misery clear enough to represent the pain I was in.
And this guy, gave me a tangible exercise, that was proven to help.
Because he wanted me to write this vision of my wellness, and read it every day.
It took me a year to do it.
A yeeear! Agh!
One Passive Opinion on Yourself Away from Change
Look I was hurting so bad, I was willing to do anything till I had to do anything, right, until I had to do something, it takes what it takes.
And the take-home message from this is that: “You could be one passive opinion on yourself away, from being removed from something that could change your life forever!”
I want that to sink in, because it’s no BS.
What are some convictions about yourself, that you are for whatever reason much like I was and I’m sure still am in a lot of ways, because I continue to learn about how my head works, but what convictions do you have about yourself that are hurting you?
Do you even know?
Trick Called Affirmations
You can borrow someone else’s misery.
That’s something I’ve learned recently.
You don’t have to be extremely miserable, to be ready to change, and the change can be small and yield big results right.
You don’t have to be in pain, agony, misery, to do something
You can prevent the pain, agony and misery.
You can borrow someone else’s experience, perhaps my own, and completely transform.
I’ve got a trick for you, that’s proven.
So, we’re gonna test this theory of is this, something you know about yourself right?
Do you have an idea of something you wouldn’t do, because, that’s just not who you are?
We’re gonna test that right now, right now.
Something I needed to do was, attack the root cause, the root problem, one of the root problems and that was the way my brain cycled thoughts.
Neural pathways, that I had set in my brain, how I think.
Very pessimistic, I have a proclivity to worry and be anxious and my self-esteem is in the toilet
So, someone told me much like I’m gonna tell you now, I have an antidote for anxiety, worry and poor self-esteem.
The sort of thing that keeps you saying: “Oh that’s just not for me, It’ll never work, I’m not that type of person”, it’ll turn you into that “Could be for me, I am that type of person and I’m gonna find out if I’m that type of person”, puts you in a space of optimism and willingness.
It’s called affirmations
And it’s crazy, crazy powerful.
It’s one of the things that helped change everything for me.
How I Apply My Affirmations
So every single day, to start tweaking, tricking, and rewiring my brain to think better about myself.
I write out, and sometimes speak out via voice daily affirmations, every day.
September 15th, September 14th, September 13th. , 12:00, 11:00, 10:00, …o’clock.
I’ll skip days with my affirmations with my gratitude I don’t, but say we’re gonna focus on affirmations.
So here are the affirmations I did this morning: “I am good enough”, “I am smart enough”, “I am kind”, “I can transform”,“I can adapt”, “I am reasonable”, ”I am gentle”, “I am patient”, ”I love myself”, ”I am an athlete”, …I wrote, that’s so funny, oh I almost, I was in a silly mood this morning, I wrote: “I’m lean and mean, I’m a teenage mutant fighting machine”, I’ll just being silly.
But those are my affirmations for today, I was having some fun with that clearly.
I love that sort of empowering self esteem affirmations language, and you know what’s great about this, you don’t even have to believe this about yourself, because I came in to this with such poor self-esteem, that I didn’t believe the things I was writing, but I believe that other people believe some of these things about me, and I believed that they believed it would work.
So, I just trusted, I borrowed their assurance, I borrowed their being role models, I borrowed their success.
I was like: “If it worked for them, I don’t know if it would work for me, but I’m willing to believe it’s possible.”
And you know what starts happening when, every single day you say out loud, and you write out, “I love you”,”I’m proud of you”,”I believe in myself”, “I’m good enough”,”I’m smart enough”,”I’m open to suggestion”,”I’m fit”,”I am healthy”,”I have good relationship with food”,’I’m responsible and punctual”,”I can be transformed”.
You start to believe these things, it starts to affect the way you think, it really does.
It Just Happens
So, I often write out the things that don’t come natural to me: “I am punctual”,”I tend to be late”, but I’m willing to start changing the way I think, and I’m going to let go of that dangerous language that says stuff like “I’ll always be someone who’s late”.
No, no, F that, no, not acceptable anymore!
I’m someone who’s on time.
“Oh not the type of person who can stick to a diet.”
No, Yes I Am!
I write down all the time, “I am discipline, I am discipline”, and you know what happens when you start writing this stuff down every day, reading it every day, speaking it every day?
You start living it, you start behaving it, you start owning it, it just happens!
Take a Chance on Daily Affirmations
And I know a lot of you will not do this, a lot of you will hear this, it will resonate with you somewhere, and you’ll drift into what’s comfortable even if it’s, even if what’s comfortable is hurting you, I get that.
But for those of you that, I can break that wall, if I can break that wall to have you take a chance, please take a chance on daily affirmations, and please take note of when you’re using dangerous language.
When you’re using language, that is putting you in a corner for future development, based on your history often, …see I always judge myself on my history, but that is not a license to ruin your life, isn’t a license for me anymore to, to, just completely destroy my future.
I get to decide who I am today, and it’s a journey, and it’s a process, but I’m willing to take suggestion and start that journey.
I don’t care how many times the nonlinear pattern of success, and it is, I don’t care how many times I step back.
I will keep checking forward, I will pray for willingness and humility to take suggestion, wholeheartedly, and not decide things for myself that I don’t truly know.
I’m so Thankful
This fires me up, I just want you to know that I care so much, and I’m so thankful to the people that met me where I was, and continue to meet me where I am in this journey of being sober, and being an athlete, and being a husband, and learning how to run a business, and taking care of myself, and working on my depression, and my anxiety nurturing my low self esteem.
I’m so thankful for the people that didn’t run away from my lack of action, because I’ve had people nudging me, nudging me, for years, years, a number of ways, and almost all of them are still there, and when it clicks it clicks, like I said, for me, I kind of had to get my kicked in a fair bit for it to click, but that doesn’t have to be your story.
Maybe, it was or it is, maybe you’re in pain right now.
It does not have to be this way forever.
I promise, one day one hour, one minute at a time you can become someone completely different.
You just have to be willing to let go of dangerous language and open to the possibility that what you think you know is wrong, and what you might learn could change everything.
If it doesn’t, let’s say you do this for a couple months, and it just doesn’t help at all which it will, you can always go back doing what you’re already doing, right?